Midnight Blues

One of my biggest life lessons was learning the concept of tawfeeq.

Ibn al-Qayyim is my kindred spirit, fo real. Just thinking about his books make my thoughts pause. He’s been one of my biggest influences on my writing, and it goes back to his book al-Fawaaid. Before I learnt Arabic, I had read translated excerpts here and there but it wasn’t until much later that I realized how much of the beauty was stripped in translation.

His book al-Fawaaid is like his Twitter page if he were alive today; bite-sized thoughts of reflection and wondrous observations. In it, he’s written quite a lot about tawfeeq, which essentially entails Allaah facilitating or paving the way for one, to success or attainment of goals.

He explains that unless Allaah wills for something to happen, it just won’t happen, regardless of how much effort one puts into doing something. And just…

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Assalamualaikum, May Peace Be Upon You.

In usual Tiqah style, I would normally take this opportunity to write a heavily edited, wanna-be philosophical, introspection of what 2016 was for me. But considering one half of me insists on posting this on the 1st Jan 2017 and I have about an hour left – in addition to this other nagging side of me that thinks that not everything I write should be super criticised and analytical because those kind of posts are the reason why I rarely blog anyways – SO! Without further ado, let me dump you with a couple of my HIGHLIGHTS of 2016, taken from the Frankenstein of a brain dump draft I did last night. 

  • JAN-FEB: appreciated my health more. Remember health before sickness indeed. 
  • SEM 4: a comparatively less productive semester to previous ones, but I tried my best. Reflecting on it, it must have been related to “looking for Allah”. Remember Tiqah, the only reason you are here, the only reason for your success are due to Him. If you lose focus on Him, you lose focus on everything.
  • DY preparations makes the whole DY thing felt more real, and I felt too excited too early. Allah is the Best Planner love, trust Him.
  • MAY: found a new hobby with watercolour and lettering. Also I regret the massive TV Show marathons I binged watched for the entirety of summer break. In similar news though, Taylor R is my new favourite vlogger. Which is a highlight because I’m not one to continually watch vloggers. Hurrah!
  • JUNE: Worked at stadium family vendor for Ramadhan.
  • Learning the hard reality of losing grips on friendship and that I shouldn’t be too attached to anything, even people.
  • EVENTS: Joined a workshop with qabs hosted by ka bazi and wiqa AND went to the first #PenMeetBN with ka zati and ka amalina (cil) 
  • Had social media detox for 4 months. Learnt that sometimes, this doesn’t solve the problem but it might help in layering steps to fully understanding yourself and give you more insight and perspectives.
  • AUG-NOV: interned at DSS. Met friends whom I cherished and kept in touch until now. Also learnt a lot about myself too in terms of pushing the limits of my comfortable zone in the realm of my degree.
  • Read 27 books out of 12 for #2016ReadingChallenge In which most of the books I actually read during intern, courtesy of (ex)supervisor turned friend.
  • After SEM4 ended: started a new interest in being healthy with hiking and (home) zumba
  • PEMBELA Youth Camp was certainly memorable to say the least. 
  • HS Family Day was truly tiring yet it was a wonderful bonding time with the family. I know I’d appreciate this more when I’m abroad.
  • Finally but arguably the most important to me – Allahyarhamah Nurun Naqiah’s Return to Allah. She once said something on the lines of “May the only reason that separates me from This Path (to Him) is Death (Syahid or martyr) that ignites the sleeping souls”. Oh my dear, I hope I could send you my love and message that yes, you had ignited my cold, hard, sleeping soul – made it burn with motivation and wet with tears for Him. Your death was truly a highlight to me, as it was a bridge between the reignition of my path towards Him. Wait for me while I work on myself, so we could meet again side by side, in Jannah, if Allah wills it for me. Rest well, our little diamond. You have done tremendous work under His Name.


Simply, a one word definition for 2016 was struggle. An ongoing endeavor of “looking for Allah”. I kept trying and failing throughout the year and I was never satisfied – obviously – how did I even missed Him as Allah SWT is closer than my jugular vein? #TepukDadaTanyaIman

“Remember me, I will remember you.” (2:152) There was a reason why I couldn’t find it in my heart to connect to Him during the year, and it is up to me to figure out and fix that part of myself. “Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” (13:11) #RefreshNiat #RefreshIntentions

On a positive note, In Syaa Allah, I’ve taken baby steps towards 2017 with a better burning desire and motivation towards His Cause. May Allah keep our hearts firm on His Path and not let it be astray and fall into futur, munafiq and riya’.

I may not know what lies ahead, whether I’ll even get to see the end of 2017, but I know that “Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear” (2:286). I know I have what it takes, I believe in His Plans.

Again, ma’aa salaamah 2016. With peace I bid you adieu.

Wa ahlan wa sahlan, 2017. I welcome you with open arms.

No words would be more comforting right now other than His:

لا حول ولاقوة إلا بالله
lā ḥawla wa lā quwwata illā billāh
“There is no might nor power except in Allah.”

O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient. (2:153)

Midnight Blues

​Although we fall through the stereotypical cracks, BLACK MUSLIM (hijabi) WOMEN are going to get the most backlash from not only a racist America, but the racist West as a whole. Brexit and Trump’s presidency has revealed the true colours of the white supremacist West.
We are visual representations of everything Trump and his supporters hate. They don’t need to see our immigrant status or hear an accent or ask about our sexuality to hate us. I’m not saying that for oppression Olympics, but WE ARE MOVING TARGETS.

We are going to be the most vulnerable and affected, please don’t brush us over.
When people think of BLACK they think of MEN.

When people think of MUSLIM they think of ARAB.

When people think of WOMEN they think of WHITE.
Be extra supportive and protective of visibly Black Muslim Women. We’re VERY scared.

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Assalamualaikum, May Peace Be Upon You.

I have no legit reason to actually write, but I feel like writing. Even though I have already scheduled a day to write next week, I just feel like writing right now. In reality, I have a 4K report to write for next week, and two presentations to prepare during these two weeks. In addition, I just finished a monster 7K words report last Sunday. Why on earth am I feeling the need to write when I have enough of it already? ahem because everyone is updating their blogs so me being a dum dum lamb i want in?? On a serious note, I think it’s because all these work I have to do, I’m writing it not for myself. There weren’t any free flow, wishy washy, untethered thinking like what I’m doing right now, and having 4 days left of my intern, I needed some sort of quick, tiny breather and let my brain just blank and de-tense it out (and not think about grammar and aesthetics and proper sentences too much)

Anywhoo, I’m on my last leg of my intern and I am really glad and relieved. I don’t know what makes it so tiring? other than that 7K report. Nevertheless, I have honestly enjoyed my company here and I’m sincerely sadden that this might be the last time we will actually meet and enjoy each other’s bants and antics. I’ll truly miss it.

But like he said, “Ah well, that’s life.” People come and go, even if they’re the ones who’ve been the best for you, while sometimes the people who have treated you slightly, they stuck around like an uncomfortable, itching, 3 day old bandage that you can’t open for fear of dealing with something you would rather not.

Sometimes I feel like it is unfair, to have to let go, and you don’t have anyone else around. And you feel horribly, horribly alone with your stammering shame, your blinding insecurities and unflinching anxiety. But then, aren’t we born and aren’t we going to Leave, alone? It is a test of attachment, and while I thought I’ve been doing quite well, apparently I am lying to myself. Social media or not, I am struggling and I am still figuring things out.

But after I figure this report out.

Countdown: T E N  DAYS till I can exhale, take a step forward and move on.

It’s been a hard time
Now you’re gonna see it through

Here’s to the rest of you interns rushing off to prepare your work! Bittaufiq and good luck! x

For the past two weeks I’ve been reading non-fiction the likes of The Productivity Project, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up and am currently reading Are You Fully Charged?: The 3 Keys to Energizing Your Work and Life. See a trend? (I blame my supervisor for feeding me his books).

So it wasn’t surprising that with this new diet, the topics of articles I consequently read rang similar. Is Tiqah finally shedding her childish demeanor to a fully functioning matured woman??? (Pfft, you wish) BUT!! while sadly I don’t feel like much of an adult than I already am (which is basically nada if we’re being totally honest am I right), I did find an inspiring and eye-opening “adult” essay called “This Is Water” by David Foster Wallace, which I wholly recommend for everyone to read it – whether or not you see yourself as a properly-functioning-adult-thankyouverymuch or a Child Overlord whom needs all the deets about adulthood to be able to take advantage of it so we could all live under the fun and highly dangerous lives based on children’s morality which, speaking from experience, is more fun btw.

In all seriousness, the essay seems to be a speech about liberal arts education but I feel that the nuggets here are applicable for all. Without further ado, here’s some of my favourite excerpts:

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Assalamualaikum, May peace be upon you.

Back in early 2016, I had a horrible realisation that I was reading less and less ever since Autumn 2015 and I felt that I was losing a part of my identity. This continued throughout 2016 in which I read sparsely (7 books in 8 months). But ever since my break with social media and my other hobbies, I’ve gotten the groove back with e-books! Shhhh, don’t tell my supervisors, but I used the free time at my intern to read and write posts (like this one I’m writing) for this blog. 😉

Okay, I lied – partly. I shared my reading list with my supervisor, HAHA. He was impressed that I’ve already read 7 books while I’m under his care, so I think that’s a green light to reading at the office. Needless to say, I’m more active on Goodreads than I was before and I’m digging this pace so when I saw this tag  floating about, I was like, why not? Here goes!

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Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

Assalamualaikum, May Peace Be Upon You.

Before I start, may I take this chance to ask for your du’aa of health and smooth affairs for my family, Asyikin. And may Allah bless her with imaan and ease throughout her hardships. Amin.


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