Assalamualaikum, May Peace Be Upon You.
I have no legit reason to actually write, but I feel like writing. Even though I have already scheduled a day to write next week, I just feel like writing right now. In reality, I have a 4K report to write for next week, and two presentations to prepare during these two weeks. In addition, I just finished a monster 7K words report last Sunday. Why on earth am I feeling the need to write when I have enough of it already?
ahem because everyone is updating their blogs so me being a dum dum lamb i want in?? On a serious note, I think it’s because all these work I have to do, I’m writing it not for myself. There weren’t any free flow, wishy washy, untethered thinking like what I’m doing right now, and having 4 days left of my intern, I needed some sort of quick, tiny breather and let my brain just blank and de-tense it out (and not think about grammar and aesthetics and proper sentences too much) Anywhoo, I’m on my last leg of my intern and I am really glad and relieved. I don’t know what makes it so tiring? other than that 7K report. Nevertheless, I have honestly enjoyed my company here and I’m sincerely sadden that this might be the last time we will actually meet and enjoy each other’s bants and antics. I’ll truly miss it.
But like he said, “Ah well, that’s life.” People come and go, even if they’re the ones who’ve been the best for you, while sometimes the people who have treated you slightly, they stuck around like an uncomfortable, itching, 3 day old bandage that you can’t open for fear of dealing with something you would rather not.
Sometimes I feel like it is unfair, to have to let go, and you don’t have anyone else around. And you feel horribly, horribly alone with your stammering shame, your blinding insecurities and unflinching anxiety. But then, aren’t we born and aren’t we going to Leave, alone? It is a test of attachment, and while I thought I’ve been doing quite well, apparently I am lying to myself. Social media or not, I am struggling and I am still figuring things out.
But after I figure this report out.
Countdown: T E N DAYS till I can exhale, take a step forward and move on.
It’s been a hard time
Now you’re gonna see it through
Here’s to the rest of you interns rushing off to prepare your work! Bittaufiq and good luck! x