My social media journey so far (2 years ago)

Written and Fermented on 28.10.17

I still agree to what I wrote, even though I’m in a different situation and environment. I’ve italicised some parts just to get the point across that this is still happening right now. Right this moment. I don’t know, I guess time really does wonders. (31.01.2019)

This post is part of my 30 Day Habit Challenge (Writing): Day 12 

I used to be a social media addict. Since the familiar start of Facebook, Twitter (casually shoving Friendster and the chaotic mess that is MSN and mig33 under the rug) I was already writing my way out of my brain. And that had degraded me (not really but hear me out a sec) more when came platforms like Instagram and Snapchat came round. Even in real life I always find myself saying this most of the times I shared a thought with someone,

Image result for shouldn't have said that

So of course I’m just as bad if not even worse when I’m online. But talking about this isn’t enough without acknowledging that yes I did grow as a social media consumer. I tried making more elaborated thought captions and and sharing good content but of course, it comes with a hefty price of “too much effort”.

I find myself being overly critical over what photo I should post and what captions I should write that I delay it so many times I’ve actually already started a hiatus even before my eventual inactivation (yep apparently that’s a word and I’m not sure if I used it right…)

Hey isn’t that a good thing?

Let’s dial it back a notch with twitter. Oh twitter. You were so easy back then. Just a random quip of the moment, boom – made online to the public. And that really does give a mark on your name when you don’t really have a good state of mind. You unknowingly made a name of yourself. If I could talk about my old twitter handle it would be: hey im feeling bad, bad, bad. Oh here’s a rant nobody cares. SIKE IM JAZZED OUT OF MY WITS and did i mention i feel bad?

Yep. Basically stuff no one actually cares about but since they don’t know you, that is who you are to them.

Years later when I notice that I try to stray away from negative media (like talk about depression while one was in a mental breakdown – because it brought me down as well) I cringe at the thought of my old tweets and breakdowns. That classmate that I looked up to and blocked me sounded very very logical right then.

I deleted my twitter soon after.

So what’s up with my snapchat and instagram then? It’s basically similar. Snapchat is just video based twitter. They’re short and sweet and I could write on them. I’ve moved on from typing negativities on social media by then (at least I tried to be?) (2 year note: HAH. NOPE. WELCOME WHATSAPP STORIES) When Instagram had theirs, I was one of the few people who liked it and left Snapchat for it because again, there’s too much effort keeping up with two of them at once. (Plus I had a bigger following on Instagram so it was a done deal).

Like I said, Snapchat = Twitter and now that Instagram = Snapchat, Instagram = Twitter. However, rather than the above “I shouldn’t have said that”, it was more like the whole “there’s too much effort to make proper posts so let’s just spam the stories instead with good content that I should’ve done in a post but I was too lazy but welp nOW ITS GONE”. Oh wait did I forget to mention about that? Snapchat = Instagram = InstaStories that vanishes in 24 hours. Neat. I am held less accountable than I already am, a pseudo-anonymous on the net.

I didn’t post a lot of things that I regret, but I did lose a lot of things that I regret. Rather than the writing themselves, (because who am I kidding right my writings are meh) but the content I really do think were beneficial. Since I’m a muslim they’re mostly based on Islam and the things that I thought and picked up over the course of daily life: lectures I’ve watched, lessons I learnt, a reminder to ponder.

And that’s one of the main reason why I dropped it off.

Okay, the actual main reason was because I jumped straight into my uni life the next day after I arrived back from Freakin’ Japan and I didn’t have time to get distracted (social media addict remember?) because I was settling in. But that had been almost 3 months now. I guess the reason why I still continue not doing it is because I value my writing time more, in a way that I want to be able to focus on it without strings attached like peer-review or whether it’s got the perfect photo and “theme”.

This isn’t a new thing by the way. I’ve done this before with less than nicer reasons (of being miserable and lonely in the facade of “getting rid of negative vibes”) but because of that, it backfired to me slowly letting my bad thoughts eat my mind away.

I came back with Japan and went away when it ended.

I think I have escapism issues. Starting afresh but not really. Its unhealthy but healthy at the same time? Because it needs me to be introspective of myself – to find that line in me that knows the balance between what is a healthy dose of social media and what is not.

Since writing posts here on a blog gives me more legroom in terms of fleshing them out and the whole entanglement of strings – they need hella more effort and more thought. In which I think I need for myself right now. I haven’t given myself enough time to actually think and introspect – dare I say – pause and refresh – since I came back.

That probably explains this limbo stage I’m in.

I stand my ground on no writing promises in this blog but I’d really like to at least promise to myself to write more. Whether it be typed or written. In pen or in pencil.

Writing was the start of it all (reading first but these usually come hand in hand for me). The predecessor to everything else that comes with it, watercolour, photography and all that hullabaloo.

With me losing interest in almost everything right now, I want to get back to my roots.

Doing this for me, and me alone. (Yes, even if they’re not worth reading).

x

Written and Fermented on 28.10.17

I still agree to what I wrote, even though I’m in a different situation and environment. I’ve italicised some parts just to get the point across that this is still happening right now. Right this moment. I don’t know, I guess time really does wonders. (31.01.2019)

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